58 DAYS TO GO

I was talking with two friends at work the other day about my “latest thing”… both women are moms of kids under 3 like me. They were stoked for me but also seemed kind of pissed at me or annoyed for being overly ambitious. Don’t get me wrong, right now I am training for this bikini competition and before that I was really getting into obstacle course racing, but sometimes I don’t have a DAMN thing going on. Some days during nap time I binge the out on The Real Housewives of Pick a City It Doesn’t Matter I’ll Watch Them All. Some days I lay down for 20 minutes before feeling guilty and jump up to steam clean something or do another load of laundry. I’m not a fucking super mom but we do follow a pretty set routine because I think (my) kids need it. We wake up, we snuggle, we eat breakfast and play, I scream at them to “please finish getting dressed” or “find your shoe!!!” so that we can head to the YMCA. I work out for 30-45 minutes and then after I collect them from kid-care we head to the park to burn some energy. Afterward we head home to eat lunch, or hit up Costco for a hot dog and groceries, we get home to play a little more, then it’s time for my 1.5 year old to go down for a nap. My 3.5 year old daughter is starting to fight nap time a bit more, so she gets about 30 minutes of books or iPad time before it’s her turn to “rest”. Half the time she sleeps as long as Leo and the rest of the time she hangs in her room reading or playing quietly with toys until he wakes. Whatever, as long as she’s calm and quiet and I get some time to not spell words aloud, define new vocabulary, talk about Moana, sing Moana songs, listen to her complain when a friend from daycare was rude to her, or hear my baby boy say “mamamamamamamamamama” about a hundred times a minute. Damn dude, learn some more words!!! I can’t do it all!

Anyway my point is, if I can find the time, anyone can. After our talk, my girlfriend said, “Fuck it- I’m just not that motivated”, and that’s FINE. I’m not here to push my shit onto anyone or make anyone feel bad about themselves. I simply am at a point where I’m ready to put myself first a little more than I have the last 3.5 years. I take care of small, incapable humans all day long and in the middle of the night when they wake, it’s me they call for. On my work days, I go to a hospital where I take care of grown ass, incapable humans who are often whinier than my toddlers. It is often exhausting being a care taker, mom, housekeeper, cook, bill payer, manager of calendars and social outings, gardener, and loving/supportive wife to my hard working husband. I asked for all of this though, the house, the two kids, the yard, the job. I want these things in my life, but I also want some time or some hobby that’s just for me and I don’t think that’s too much to fucking ask for. No one is going to do it for me so if I look overly ambitious, oh well. Haters gonna hate.

 

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