It’s Monday and that means it’s weigh-in and picture posting day. To be honest I feel like I just want to give up on the scale all together, and by “give up” I mean take it out into the street on a Friday and let the garbage truck run it over. At this rate, I don’t really know if I’m going to get down to the mystical 118 lbs that the body fat analysis recommended I be at on competition day. Earlier I was bitching to my friend, Karen, and she told me it really is time to throw the scale out the window. A simple scale isn’t going to show me what I wanted to see… but this Week 1 photo comparison she sent me does. Despite the fact that there is no weight change between these two photos, I’ve been busting my ass for a 5 solid weeks and I am finally seeing some results. The photo also reveals that I look quite nightmarish in the morning sans makeup.
Not only can I see results, I can smell them too… I swear to God I have the worst broccoli farts right now. I’m probably eating about 3-4 cups of broccoli, Brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes and bell peppers, 10+ ounces of chicken breasts per day, not to mention my usual Fiber One cereal/yogurt combo and a few protein bars. It’s literally the cleanest diet ever I’ve ever consumed, yet somehow my farts smell like legit raw sewage from Tijuana. Yesterday, at a street fair I blamed a big fat bulldog for the smells I dealt, and when we’re at home I usually blame the baby and pretend to check his diaper for poop that I know isn’t there. Our bedroom at night smells like we’ve been hot boxed by my brother’s German Shorthaired Pointer. My poor husband is suffering as these farts linger about our home despite my AirWick plug-ins throughout the house and essential oil diffuser I have going constantly.
My 1.5 year old son has been exceptionally clingy as of late. He was born 5 weeks premature and is a Cancer sign, which makes him a shy, sensitive, and reserved little guy. He’s my baby and my last as my husband’s vasectomy is scheduled in just 3 short weeks, so I have to remind myself to relish these moments… but taking your morning dump with a small, bald person in your lap is not exactly how I envisioned spending my weekends mornings. So when my husband decided to skip his am surf session, I took advantage of the opportunity to hit the gym for an extra day. All workouts count at this point and it gave me one whole hour of peace and quiet instead of my usual background noise of Leo screaming “mamamamamamamamamamamamamama!!!!”
Last week I was able to take apart my suit “bottom” and attach the new triple tiered straps as well as begin to bedazzle the fabric. Of course I got through with the front and ran out of clear crystals, so it looks like another run (or 9) to Hobby Lobby before I’ll finally be all done with that. At the beginning this was fun craft project but I’m now feeling like this is a total chore as I’m hunched over this microscopic suit with tweezers, glue, and tiny crystals. I’m also trying to watch the latest season of “GIRLS” or the new HBO show “Big Little Lies” simultaneously so I sure hope this suit looks symmetric when I’m done because I’m only half paying attention to it. The “Big Little Lies” is totally engrossing, rich ass women in this supposed perfect town and perfect life but everyone has their dark secrets. I’m really digging it, I’m also really digging Alexander Skarsgard as I’ve been missing his hot Swedish ass since True Blood ended.
In just two weeks we’ve got another fun run coming up. This one is the Warrior Dash, a 5K race with just 12 muddy obstacles to conquer up in Chino, California about 1.5 hours north of here. Since I’ve been balls deep in my heavy lifting routine I’ve done basically zero running, hiking, or even circuit training for the last several weeks so today at the gym I made sure to work in some pull ups, wall climbs, and monkey bars. The crappy thing about it being only 12 obstacles is that it means there will be a lot more running in between each task, which is not my strong point. I prefer the strength or bravery or stupidity that each obstacle requires and less of the actual getting there. I also just had the totally sad realization that I won’t be enjoying my post race free beer. Maybe I’ll just have some sips, I’ll need the calories post race.